Sunday, February 15, 2015

This Little Boy

Things are changing for the better, it's taking a little time, but overall, it's getting better.  Slowly adding money to an account that I will not touch.  Started a Christmas account that can be withdrawn in December.  The only thing is there has to be 12 deposits by October.  What I need to do is make 2 random deposits in that account and things will be good.  I have $50 being deposited in that account over that period of time.  This will give me a chance to shop for Christmas instead of waiting to the last minute and using the money that I make for the month of December.

Having this little boy has made me life much different.  I love him and I never knew life could be like this.  It's so different.  I never would have thought that this would be my life.  I cry when I'm happy, no matter what kind of day I've had, he makes me smile.  Energy is always there for him.  I don't want to fail him at all.  Looking over my life, I've wasted so much time, money, love, and energy.  Now that I have him, life is different.  For him I want more, better, things I didn't have growing up.  Financial security, stability, a chance to not have struggle on his side.  For him, I'm going to give my all.  With that being said, I've made many changes for the both of us.

Deposited $5000 in my account
Paid off several debts
Credit report increase 583 and 593, still under 600, but slowly moving up

Going to open him up an account so he'll have something.  Instead of putting money up monthly, will use money from tax return to save for the next 18 years.

Truck needs to be fixed
Car seats need to be repaired
House needs to be done
Oneal Street needs to be rented
I need to move ASAP

I owe $4708 on my car.  If I pay $100 more a month on it I'll be finished paying it off sooner than 11 months.  As a matter of fact, it'll be in almost 9 months.  That'll be $450 to put toward something else.  It's taking several changes in order for me to get my mind right.  Another thing, I will up my deposits to my annuity.  This needs to be done by August.  By then, several things will be paid off and my credit score will be over 600 points.  By the way I didn't mention, I have over $150,000 worth of student loans.  Once my minor bills are paid off, I'll start working toward these student loans.  This is not a thing that I want for my soon.  Student loans are awful.  The constant calls, get on my nerves.  It served a purpose, but now I'm just tired.  The smallest bill is 1787.  Don't want to spend my entire life paying off student loans.

Another thing, when I get caught up, I'll start paying the smallest student loan off and work my way up to the largest one.  I also have 2 private student loans that I am way behind on.  I'll pay $50 a month until I pay off a few other debts.  Work on putting money in the right place.

I'll be 40 in August and my life is much different.  There are several irons in the fire and things are getting better.  I'm a mommy now and I have to make things better for him.  I think about the money that I waste monthly and where it needs to be put.  Which is in a better place.  Like I said before the time is now.  Working is something, and money needs to go where it should in order to have a debt free life.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Getting Older Should be Getting Better

It's almost the end of the month and things keep moving as always.  Tired of the struggle, tired of not having enough to make ends meet.  Tired of just being tired.  There never seems to be enough.  Never.  Where did I go wrong?  Student loans, constant phone calls, more debt.  Never enough.

I got paid December 19, 2014.  I surprised that I'm not overdrawn, but I'm sure I will be very soon.  The truck isn't working, I need to put it in the shop.  Marybelle's seats in stuck in a position.  It's always one thing after another.  Cut back and it still isn't enough.  So what needs to be done?  Pay off the few small bills.  I forgot I put the house on Oneal Street on HAP and they moved out.  I have to repay 348 to the government.  That'll be done at the end of the month.  The check is usually gone before it is here.  Did I mention, the television in the front room has died.  Always something.

Seriously thinking about moving ASAP.  Don't want to bite of more than I can chew.  Sometimes it seems I can't see the forest for the trees.  I have gas in my car, that's good.  The little dog needs food for the next few days.  We have food in the house so that's good.  Let's make it until the end of the month.  We can do this, yes we can.

40 is coming really quick and I never thought I would be in the financial bind that I'm in.  Haven't finished my PhD due to owing 5,000.  Debt is everlasting it seems.  Never thought this would be my life.  It is and now and I can change it by taking small steps.  Put in job applications here and there until I find something else.  Contribute to my retirement constantly.  Change my babies name before he starts school.  So much to do, so little time.  Never know when this life will be snatched from under you.

38 years of living and not to the fullest.  Things are changing, just like the weather.  What will I do?  Do things that I haven't done whether it's with my baby or not.  Next month, I may take a road trip, it all depends.  Maybe not because there are several things that need to be paid off.

Using this forum as a personal guide to my freedom.  There are several wants, but overall I do want him to have a happy childhood with a backyard he can play in.  A place where I can have company and relax.  The neighborhood is hood and I did that to myself.  It's time for mature thing and I deserve that.  The time is now.
You are probably tired of the sad stories, there needs to be some success stories on here too.  I'm working on that, I promise.  This is a place for me to vent, express, cry, smile, tell all sometimes.  I will get better, I just have to keep working it.  Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

New Year 2015, What's it Going to Be?

It's time to move and gets things going.  Still making unnecessary mistakes.  One thing is no more debt, no more debt, no more debt.

I have used creditkarma.com to help me get my credit in order below is the list of debt that I can pay off in the next few months:
Merchants AD  58
Med Data Sys  132
MEA  139
1st Premier  173
JC Penney's  191
Credburserv  200
Rec Mgt Grp 348
Marybelle  (little car) 5,058/12=421.50
State Tax Lien  8,743 (has to be paid in full)

Merchants AD, Med Data Sys, and MEA will be paid off at the end of the month.  MEA has direct deposit.  Once that is paid, I'll add another 75 to Marybelle's payment so that will make her be paid off sooner than it should.  I'm tired of the debt.  I've made many bad financial choices over the years.  Now that I have a little boy, my decisions will not only affect me, but him too.  I don't want him to have the financial issues that I have.

The above numbers are just the beginning of my debt.  There are several student loans that don't seem to be going anywhere.  I'm tired of getting phone call after phone call from my student loans.  Don't have the money to pay the late payment in full.  One sad thing after another.  By the end of the year my credit score should be above 600.

Also, I'll be 40 in August and I want to move.  Tired of my neighbors it's so sad!  So many things are happening and I don't know where to start.  One more thing, I started a Christmas account for 50 a month.  This will help me get it together and prepare for the holidays for my baby and others.  Plus, I want to do things with him that I didn't do growing up.  We need to go on a big vacation once a year, he and I together.  I also need to have my own vacation without him.

There's no clarity or focus, I have not.  Then another thing came to mind.  Do I want him to get a degree because if he gets a degree that means he'll be working for someone for the rest of his life.  Wow, decisions.

Since I'm an older mom, I'll be able to retire by the time my baby is 16, go figure.  The right things I didn't do before I need to do now.  I've been looking on Pinterest finding ways to put money up.  The next thing is to file my taxes and do right by the money that I receive.  Pay some things off, get ahead on my mortgage.  Did I mention I'm a month behind on my mortgage and car note.  The story never ends.

Time keeps moving, I'm getting older, and debt keeps being an issue for me.  Something has to give.

Friday, November 28, 2014

Pessimism at Its Best

My life is so different now.  Responsible for a baby is something that I never thought I would encounter.  Never under these conditions.  It's my reality and I'll say it's mine to own up to.  I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing, but it's my life to do with it as I will.  The transition is a scary one and realizing the things that I wanted to do and didn't is hard.  There are so many things that kept me from doing other things.  I'm in a great place, but my thoughts get the best of me.  For instance, worrying about a reality that my never come to fruition is something that I do on a regular basis.  I'm sad more than happy.  I look at things that I shouldn't, I make myself sad.  This isn't the time to be doing that, but I do.  As if something gets into my mind and it festers continuously.

Now isn't the time to be down.  It's the holiday season, is my mind reliving my past.  This time last year was something serious, but it's over now.  To me life will repeat itself, if changes aren't made, but it repeats itself sometimes anyway.

Financial issues:
Student loans
Mortgage (month behind)
Car Note (month behind)
Medical bills (2,000)
Mom (2,000)

On top of that, it's time to move into a better situation.  Wanting better for myself and him.  He deserves to have a nice backyard that he can play in.  A decent neighborhood that's safe and secure.  His mother needs to sit down and organize her life.  Something that I'm truly having a hard time doing.  It seems like I just can't get right, no matter what.  It's me, no time.  Thoughts are cloudy, feel like I can't do anything.  Always rushing, no thoughts, just existing.  This is not why I was given life.  Morbid things are always taking the for front of my life.  Tired, like there's never enough.  Wanting to do right by him, not knowing if I'm cut out for this new position that I've been given.  Thankful that I was chosen, but so much has changed.

This post like most, is a rumble of my thoughts, which aren't clear at all.

Pay something off, that's the least I can do.  Did I mention that there are always car issues.  Issues with Marybelle's seats.  Liam is sitting in my moms backyard.  I don't want to go anywhere or do anything.  Afraid of getting sick again.  What do I do, where do I go?  How do I handle my thought?  Always overdrawing in my account.

Transfer $100 to my Navy Federal account, and put $50 in my TIC account.  I have many in MEA, that I have been getting when I need cash.  Also, I need to open up him an account.  I don't want him to struggle like I have.  Want so much more for him.

Write a will, open him an account, get this business going.  Get my life right, I want him to have better, but how can that happen if I don't want better for myself.  Being in the dumps is something that I can't seem to shake, but it'll pass it always does.

Thanks for reading!  Happy Holidays!

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Subtle Changes on the Horizon

As I've said before, life keeps moving with or without you.  I would prefer for it to be with me.  Trouble tends to rear its ugly head at anytime in ones life.  This seems to be what goes on with me often.  A new baby, new life, new responsibilities, just new everything.  And still I am here.  Trouble doesn't last always, but what to do in the meantime?  Continue to live life as it should and try to do the right thing.  What is the right thing?  Paying bills, helping others, not going under, staying focused, all of those things.  And still I survive.  Looking at life through the eyes of a mother is so different.  Thinking of someone other than myself is really different and new for me.  This is a very emotional journey.  Listening to speakers, preachers and others, there have been some awesome words that I have heard about life and our place here on Earth.  Wow, this is my child, he is mine.  One day he'll be big and I'll be old and he'll have a family of his on.  These moments are so precious.  For that reason, I am trying my best to be a better person, do things different than I have ever in my life.  It's hard, I will admit.  I have been here writing for many years and things get better, than worse, better, but more worse.  That's not correct English.

So much debt, I keep going under.  So many decisions to be made, yet God keeps blessing me and keeping me afloat.  I wonder what's the point and purpose of it all.  In the end, we are all going to die.  I really don't mean for this post to be morbid, these are just random thoughts, I don't mean any harm.

My thoughts have been chaotic, lack focus and guidance.  Several bills, but survival is the only options.  There are so many bills, I don't know where to begin to get it together.  Car issues, it just never stops.  Get a car fixed and the other one messes up.  It just doesn't stop.

Bills
Student loans
Walden University 5000
Trinity Center 2000
St. Francis
Columbus Clinic
Mortgage 1300
Marybelle  900
mom  2500
First Premier 90
JC Penny's 200

Plus, I feel that I am in default with one of my student loans.  Staying above water is a challenge.  Always robbing Peter to pay Paul, it seems to never end.  Tomorrow, I need to call my student loans and see what can be done so my taxes aren't garnished.  When I get paid, pay the back mortgage and car note, pay mom, how much I don't know.  I need to put something in Navy Federal, wow what a year brings.  Credit score is awful and that's alright.

Things to do tomorrow
Call student loan to see what the damage is
Call St. Francis billing
Set up payments for Marybelle and mortgage

I will be just fine, I know it, trust

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