Wednesday, January 13, 2016

New Year, Same Old Thing

Happy Happy New Year!  There are so many good and not so good things going on.  Let's see my credit score has dropped something serious.  I have paid off Marybelle, that's $450 to debt.  Things are working themselves out.  2015 was a different year for me.  Having to adjust to being a new mom says it all.  I never thought this would be my reality, but it is.

Looking back over all the years.  The fun, sex, relationships, useless things that have gone and really didn't mean anything.  What was the purpose?  Back then, I should have been an international traveler.  Instead of trying to have all the sex, or make this relationship work.  I should have been purchasing real estate and filling up my passport.  Which by the way, I haven't gotten the first stamp in it.  Go figure.

Being 40 has made me realize many things about myself.

  • loner
  • kind
  • giver
  • caring
  • emotional
  • lovely
  • adventurer
Just to name of few.  Right now, of course, I am where I thought I wouldn't be.  Living in one of my rental properties understanding that it is time to move on to something else.  

What have I been doing to make things better?
  • pay off student loans prior to 1995 so I can get teacher loan forgiveness
    • 1638 and 3600
  • contact private loans that are with collection agency to see about updating credit information
  • working on getting house ready for when I move
  • paying off credit cards 
  • pay off medical bills
  • save something monthly
Last year was really different.  Getting adjusted and making sure that I had enough.  Losing myself and now trying to get her back has been a journey.  Also, yesterday, my new furnace got put in, that was $1400.  Not thinking that I deserve better has been an issue, but overall I been staying above water.  

This credit score has dropped below 600 and that's truly sad.  Wanted and needing to move is something that is seriously on my to-do list.  Having this baby has really put many things in perspective.  Also, like I stated earlier, so much time, energy, and money wasted on worldly items.  Where did it get me, not where I thought I would or should be.  

Another thing, not graduating with a Phd has done something to me.  All of this student loan debt and to not have a degree, what a waste of time, energy, and other peoples money.  Now, what do I do?  Suck it up and make a change, where change is due.  

Today, I will write a letter to the credit agencies where these default student loans are and see about making a payment arrangement to bring these debts current and put them in good standing.  It seems I'm always robbing Peter to pay Paul, but I'm here and I'm making it, is all that matters.  

Not going to worry about past decisions, or mistakes.  All I can do is stay current and make it better.  Swimming in debt will not be my future.  Things will get better and I'm determined to do it.  

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Life is Really Different

As I lay here I am thinking that my thoughts, actions, place of interest have changed.  Does it have something to do with the little one or my place in life period?  Who knows, but for whatever it's worth, they have changed.  Along with a few other things.  My thoughts are on retirement, as I am closer to ending than beginning.  Who would have figured?  Not I said the cat, but it is slowly appearing.  There are ends that need to be tied up, things that need to be handled.  Chaos is my friend and I don't know how to shake him.  He's always there lurking in the corner on the floor, just chaos.  These are things that I have brought on myself, fixing them or getting a handle of them is the first step.

Interested in learning about the stock market, wanting to diversify my portfolio and get a handle on my and his finances.  This summer I neglected a few debts.  My fault, not because I didn't have the money, just didn't pay.  Go figure.  August is going to be filled with catching up and replacing money.

Things needed to do
Get carpet taken up in hallway replaced with wood or pargo (spelled)
Candle room painted
Central heat fixed
Flooring in kitchen
Countertop
Door candle room
Door hallway

Pay car note
Call Navient
Credit score situated
Sell Land Rover
Get Mini fixed
Refinance house

I am closer to retiring and there is so much that I haven't done.  Looking into investing, learning some new things.  There are many years left, God willing and I need to get things in order.  Now is the time to begin.  Take it slow and sort out my money.  Mutual funds, stocks, things of that nature.  Work with me as I learn.  I'm going to take it slow.

Friday, June 12, 2015

Do I Deserve Anything?


As I sit and wonder about my life and the things I've accomplished and haven't.  I wonder do I deserve anything better than the things I have achieved?  Wanting so much more for myself and the baby, but life is hard and the pickles I have gotten myself into make me wonder.  


It seems I try all for nothing!

There's a Land Rover that is not functioning anymore that needs to be sold
A house that needs to be rented
A house that I live in that needs to be fixed, the mortgage is too much and I'm ready to move
A dissertation that needs to be written, but I can't afford it because I have exhausted my financial aid
Mini Cooper that is almost paid for, but has several issues

This is the story of my life.  It seems so hard, but it really doesn't have to be.  Issues on top of issues keep coming out of no where and the main objective is to stay afloat.  There are things that need to be done, but there's something in me that says self sabotage is the best option.

Cancel insurance on Land Rover, waste of money
Rent out house
Clean my house
Get grass cut
Get caught up on student loans
Put back money that I have taken out

Looking at my house, it's depressing, it needs to be organized and cleaned, but it's mine.  The neighborhood is crazy and I want so much better for him, he deserves it and I do too, don't I?

It is hard to save money and there is so much that I have wasted and blown over the years.  Now, it's do or die.

Save $7,000 a year
Save enough money to move next year
Get credit score higher so I can move
Believe I deserve everything that I want and desire

In a couple of months I will be 40 years of age and it is a blessing to have seen 39 wonderful, but challenging years.  It only gets better, right?  That's what I'm hoping.  I've made it through some trying times, and I do believe I'm here for a reason.  What I need to understand is I'm worth everything that I want.  Plus, this baby deserves more.

If not today, Monday, I will go in and cancel my insurance for the Land Rover.  Also, before the end of the month the house will be rented.  Plus, my house will be kinda clean.  You read that, kinda clean.  I will also call to get my grass cut.  As a matter of fact, I'll make that call now when I finish writing this.

In all honesty, I'm at the half way point in my life and at some point I gave up on myself and my life.  I don't know if it was the break up, break ins, thyroid cancer, survival, situation, or the baby, but life for me changed drastically.  My emotions have been a roller coaster.  Sometimes, I don't know whether I'm coming or going.
Finances are another aspect of my life.  It gets good and then bad.  The worse part of my finances are the student loans.  There has to be something else and this has to get better.  These student loans will not get the best of me.  It does make me sad.

This is my life and it will get better.  I do believe in myself.

Monday, June 1, 2015

Reviewing Things

As I think about my life I am truly blessed.  I am still here.  Once upon a time I had this spirit that would do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, that girl left.  Where she went, I don't know.  The thing that is crazy are the decisions that I made really weren't the best.  True, what goes up most come down, that I completely understand.

Bad decisions
Liam should have been sold a long time ago, now I don't know if I'll be able to get rid of him.
Marybelle, it rains in her, I can't use the key to unlock the door, and now my seats will not move.
My house, in a neighborhood that's all I say, cost to much, interest rate high

On the other hand, I was able to do all of these things.  Now that 40 is coming fast, I feel that there are several things I should have done, but didn't do.  It's not the best feeling.  One thing I can say is I have learned from my mistakes and all I can do is try to make them better.

It's the summer time and there are things I want to do.
Laingley's 1st birthday party
take a trip in July
get house together
take a mommy and me swim class
take him to the beach

All of this takes money, did I mention that I dropped my phone again.  It never fails, there is always something.  On a brighter note, I do feel better about myself.  I've decided to do the things that I have failed to do.  For instance, take a drawing class.  I also want to take sign language.

I'm taking one day at a time, that's all I can do.  Tomorrow isn't promised I know, but I have to make the most of it.  I've gotten over myself and I must stay that way.  

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Spending Spending Spending

Do I set up a payment plan with Navient or do I just let the loan do what it's going to do?  That is the question of the day.  I have the money in my other account, but it is already below what I started with.  I've paid my mom and a few other things.  To be honest, I'm glad of the things that I've accomplished, but there are goals set.

Navient (student loans)
To be honest, I really don't understand why student loans have to be such a bother.  Yes, I needed the loans to help pay for school.  Yes, they did what they needed to do.  Yes, I understand that they have to be paid back.  What I don't understand is the harassment that one has to endure when owing them.  It is awful and I'm sad that I was in a position to need loans in order to afford school.  Also, the interest rates are ridiculous.  No matter what, they have to be paid off.  I will make a call to set up a payment plan.  It's not in the cards, but it has to be done, no matter what.

Due to the student loan issues, my credit score has been dropping, slowly, but surely.  Trouble don't last always.

Things to do today
Get Liam $545.00, found out that he needs a new motor, that's not in my budget.  Either pay $4,000 for motor replacement or $1,887.55 for issues and that's not guaranteed that the problem will be fixed.  So, it's time to let it go.  I have to pay for the repairs and it's still not going to work.  Very very sad I know, the story of my life it seems.  On another note, once Liam is sold, I'll put that money toward paying off Marybelle.  I'm asking $3000, but under the circumstances, I'll take $2,000.  Putting $1,000 toward Marybelle will make me owe less of course.  I'll have it paid off sooner.  Once she's paid off she'll get sold too.  I'm ready to let things go and move forward.

I have been spending unnecessarily, but I have been getting things for the baby.  When the winter comes, he will not need anything.  I'm glad of that.  I found Thredup.com, a second hand store that offers clothes for babies and adults.  That's going to be my go to, plus JCPenney's for my babies clothes.  I have to have enough for all times.  You never know what will happen.

For the next few weeks I have to have enough.  June is coming fast.  Make sure my bills are paid.  Have enough money for gas and be able to put back what I've taken.  It seems, I never have enough.  Robbing Peter to pay Paul isn't a good look in this time and age of my life.

Things I Am Going to Do
Pay off Marybelle
Get floor fixed in house
Get student loans under control
Increase credit score
Move
Put back what I've taken away
Continue to put money away for him

June
mortgage
car note
student loans
cruise money (200)
babies party
credit card (First Premier and JCPenney's)
take baby to the beach

I see me, I see my life, I see my struggles, I see my successes, I see my pains, I see who I am, I see what I'm capable of, I see me.  The issues are real and able to be handled, I'll make it through.  Yes, I can.

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