Tuesday, March 24, 2015

I Don't Know What to Say or Feel




My credit score is slowly going up, my scores are 612 and 608.  I've contacted my student loans and have been making payments monthly.  Something is better than nothing.  Really looking forward to my scores going up more.  I have been spending money on food and other things.  I also came up with an idea that I want to save $100,000.  The number came from nowhere, but that's what I want.  I've been teaching for 15 years and I have another 15 years to go before I retire.  There has been much money that I have wasted over the years.  Now, I have someone else to live for.  Not that my life isn't of the greatest importance, because it is.  I think back over the years and the things I've done, haven't done, places I've been, places I haven't been, but overall, all the money that has gone through my hands.  Throughout all of this I have lost some of myself.  Life happens, yes it does, but it's a matter of how one handles it.  Where she has gone I don't know.  The ambition, motivation, determination is out the window.  Did the pregnancy do it, or just the experiences that lead up to the pregnancy?  Really and truly I can't tell you.  Where's that girl?  The fun loving, no holds barred lady that would try anything once (within perimeters) has left the building and I want her back.  


When I look at this property that I live in there are so many things that need to be done, inside and out.  It makes me sad.
fascia board
flooring (humps and slumps)
counter top
removal of carpet in hallway
paint candle room
cage around central heat and air
cover over central heat and air thermostat
remove trees or limbs in the backyard


The house isn't perfect, plus my mortgage is more than it should be.  I paid more for the house, young is all I'm going to say about that.  Plus, a new mattress, it's so sad.  I want this house to be presentable, a new paint job wouldn't hurt either.  Quality.

I think very deeply sometimes more than I should.  Wanting to move into a new home, will I be able to afford it?  Need to rent out the other house.  Feel like a failure most of the time.  Like I stated earlier, the ambition is gone, where did it go?  I always ask myself that.

Other issues, cars, can't seem to get a vehicle that doesn't have a problem.  The Mini Cooper has issues with the seats, I can't let the passengers seat back it's very close to the dashboard.  I did get the Land Rover started, now it needs to go into the shop to find out what's wrong with out.  Always money  coming out.   Regardless, I stay above water, which I am very glad of.


Don't know where I am going or what I'm doing, but I do know that my credit score is getting better, I have a handsome baby boy, my health is great, and I'm still hear.

I called several phone numbers that called my house phone.  One was from AmSouth bank, they stated they were failing a judgement against me.  This is an account that I have disputed several years ago, that wasn't mine.  When will it appear on my credit report is a good question?  Another account has appeared on my report too.  It's only for $80, I'll pay for that next month.

Friday, March 13, 2015

Credit Report Gets Better

 Credit KarmaI have been using Credit Karma to check my credit score and to pay off some outstanding debts I've had for a few years.  My credit score has gone up one is 602 and the other is 611.  Now, I need to get my student loans under control.  My financial history is a mess, but all I can do is make it better.  I owe over 150,000 in student loans.  Why is that so?  Plus, there are other issues.  Life and it's challenges.  There are 2 judgments on my report.  One isn't my fault, but that's neither here nor there.

My house phone gets many calls from random debt collectors and other unnecessary places.  This really gets on my nerves all of the phone calls.  I'm going to take my time and get this debt handled.  My car will be paid off by the end of the year.  I'm looking forward to that.  I also have upped my annuity to $300 a month.  At this point I have about $55,000 built up over these past 15 years.

Sometimes I get sad because I feel that I have made several mistakes financially and it's time to get things back in order.  There have been many losses in my life and I'm closer to the end than the beginning.  It's time to get it and make my life better.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

This Little Boy

Things are changing for the better, it's taking a little time, but overall, it's getting better.  Slowly adding money to an account that I will not touch.  Started a Christmas account that can be withdrawn in December.  The only thing is there has to be 12 deposits by October.  What I need to do is make 2 random deposits in that account and things will be good.  I have $50 being deposited in that account over that period of time.  This will give me a chance to shop for Christmas instead of waiting to the last minute and using the money that I make for the month of December.

Having this little boy has made me life much different.  I love him and I never knew life could be like this.  It's so different.  I never would have thought that this would be my life.  I cry when I'm happy, no matter what kind of day I've had, he makes me smile.  Energy is always there for him.  I don't want to fail him at all.  Looking over my life, I've wasted so much time, money, love, and energy.  Now that I have him, life is different.  For him I want more, better, things I didn't have growing up.  Financial security, stability, a chance to not have struggle on his side.  For him, I'm going to give my all.  With that being said, I've made many changes for the both of us.

Deposited $5000 in my account
Paid off several debts
Credit report increase 583 and 593, still under 600, but slowly moving up

Going to open him up an account so he'll have something.  Instead of putting money up monthly, will use money from tax return to save for the next 18 years.

Truck needs to be fixed
Car seats need to be repaired
House needs to be done
Oneal Street needs to be rented
I need to move ASAP

I owe $4708 on my car.  If I pay $100 more a month on it I'll be finished paying it off sooner than 11 months.  As a matter of fact, it'll be in almost 9 months.  That'll be $450 to put toward something else.  It's taking several changes in order for me to get my mind right.  Another thing, I will up my deposits to my annuity.  This needs to be done by August.  By then, several things will be paid off and my credit score will be over 600 points.  By the way I didn't mention, I have over $150,000 worth of student loans.  Once my minor bills are paid off, I'll start working toward these student loans.  This is not a thing that I want for my soon.  Student loans are awful.  The constant calls, get on my nerves.  It served a purpose, but now I'm just tired.  The smallest bill is 1787.  Don't want to spend my entire life paying off student loans.

Another thing, when I get caught up, I'll start paying the smallest student loan off and work my way up to the largest one.  I also have 2 private student loans that I am way behind on.  I'll pay $50 a month until I pay off a few other debts.  Work on putting money in the right place.

I'll be 40 in August and my life is much different.  There are several irons in the fire and things are getting better.  I'm a mommy now and I have to make things better for him.  I think about the money that I waste monthly and where it needs to be put.  Which is in a better place.  Like I said before the time is now.  Working is something, and money needs to go where it should in order to have a debt free life.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Getting Older Should be Getting Better

It's almost the end of the month and things keep moving as always.  Tired of the struggle, tired of not having enough to make ends meet.  Tired of just being tired.  There never seems to be enough.  Never.  Where did I go wrong?  Student loans, constant phone calls, more debt.  Never enough.

I got paid December 19, 2014.  I surprised that I'm not overdrawn, but I'm sure I will be very soon.  The truck isn't working, I need to put it in the shop.  Marybelle's seats in stuck in a position.  It's always one thing after another.  Cut back and it still isn't enough.  So what needs to be done?  Pay off the few small bills.  I forgot I put the house on Oneal Street on HAP and they moved out.  I have to repay 348 to the government.  That'll be done at the end of the month.  The check is usually gone before it is here.  Did I mention, the television in the front room has died.  Always something.

Seriously thinking about moving ASAP.  Don't want to bite of more than I can chew.  Sometimes it seems I can't see the forest for the trees.  I have gas in my car, that's good.  The little dog needs food for the next few days.  We have food in the house so that's good.  Let's make it until the end of the month.  We can do this, yes we can.

40 is coming really quick and I never thought I would be in the financial bind that I'm in.  Haven't finished my PhD due to owing 5,000.  Debt is everlasting it seems.  Never thought this would be my life.  It is and now and I can change it by taking small steps.  Put in job applications here and there until I find something else.  Contribute to my retirement constantly.  Change my babies name before he starts school.  So much to do, so little time.  Never know when this life will be snatched from under you.

38 years of living and not to the fullest.  Things are changing, just like the weather.  What will I do?  Do things that I haven't done whether it's with my baby or not.  Next month, I may take a road trip, it all depends.  Maybe not because there are several things that need to be paid off.

Using this forum as a personal guide to my freedom.  There are several wants, but overall I do want him to have a happy childhood with a backyard he can play in.  A place where I can have company and relax.  The neighborhood is hood and I did that to myself.  It's time for mature thing and I deserve that.  The time is now.
You are probably tired of the sad stories, there needs to be some success stories on here too.  I'm working on that, I promise.  This is a place for me to vent, express, cry, smile, tell all sometimes.  I will get better, I just have to keep working it.  Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

New Year 2015, What's it Going to Be?

It's time to move and gets things going.  Still making unnecessary mistakes.  One thing is no more debt, no more debt, no more debt.

I have used creditkarma.com to help me get my credit in order below is the list of debt that I can pay off in the next few months:
Merchants AD  58
Med Data Sys  132
MEA  139
1st Premier  173
JC Penney's  191
Credburserv  200
Rec Mgt Grp 348
Marybelle  (little car) 5,058/12=421.50
State Tax Lien  8,743 (has to be paid in full)

Merchants AD, Med Data Sys, and MEA will be paid off at the end of the month.  MEA has direct deposit.  Once that is paid, I'll add another 75 to Marybelle's payment so that will make her be paid off sooner than it should.  I'm tired of the debt.  I've made many bad financial choices over the years.  Now that I have a little boy, my decisions will not only affect me, but him too.  I don't want him to have the financial issues that I have.

The above numbers are just the beginning of my debt.  There are several student loans that don't seem to be going anywhere.  I'm tired of getting phone call after phone call from my student loans.  Don't have the money to pay the late payment in full.  One sad thing after another.  By the end of the year my credit score should be above 600.

Also, I'll be 40 in August and I want to move.  Tired of my neighbors it's so sad!  So many things are happening and I don't know where to start.  One more thing, I started a Christmas account for 50 a month.  This will help me get it together and prepare for the holidays for my baby and others.  Plus, I want to do things with him that I didn't do growing up.  We need to go on a big vacation once a year, he and I together.  I also need to have my own vacation without him.

There's no clarity or focus, I have not.  Then another thing came to mind.  Do I want him to get a degree because if he gets a degree that means he'll be working for someone for the rest of his life.  Wow, decisions.

Since I'm an older mom, I'll be able to retire by the time my baby is 16, go figure.  The right things I didn't do before I need to do now.  I've been looking on Pinterest finding ways to put money up.  The next thing is to file my taxes and do right by the money that I receive.  Pay some things off, get ahead on my mortgage.  Did I mention I'm a month behind on my mortgage and car note.  The story never ends.

Time keeps moving, I'm getting older, and debt keeps being an issue for me.  Something has to give.

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